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Hello there! My name is Kate Hurley. I am a singer songwriter, worship leader, writer,  and teacher based out of Boulder, CO. I’ve played everywhere from military bases in Italy to huge hippie gatherings. (go to my webite for more about me and free downloads of my music, along with a store where you can buy it.  You can also buy it on itunes.)

I have the distinct privilege of being an Enter the Worship Circle Artist. I was a guest writer and artist on Enter the Worship Circle: Third Circle. I’ve also been featured on the Absolute Worship series.

So what I’m saying is that even if I am single, I am NOT a loser. Just wanted to get that straight.

I feel a bit sheepish about calling this blog the Sexy Celibate, because I don’t know if I would necessarily think of myself as sexy. But “The Pretty Dang Good Looking If You Stop To Think About It Celibate” url was already taken.

Even the celibate part is a little weird because I haven’t chosen celibacy for life. I am hoping to be a temporary celibate. I really love nuns. I have met quit a few in my travels and they are amazing. That being said, I really don’t want to be one.

But”celibate” is a way more interesting word than “single, “so I had to make the executive artistic decision to use it. I mean, would you even read this blog if it was called the Sexy Single? I know I wouldn’t.

Basically, I like my blog name even though neither of the two words in the title are accurate. They are ironic, and that makes up for accurate.

Here are some of the things that I love:

-Dark chocolate, good cheese, sun-dried tomatoes, and nut thins all on the same plate.

-Being outside. It’s not that it reminds me of how small I am. It reminds me of how big God is, and yet how small He makes Himself to be close to me.  He created universes that I can’t begin to understand, but He also created a leaf with tiny lines on it that I can hold in my hand.

-Giving a hug to someone who is usually ignored.

-Working on my first book with the working title “Getting Naked Later” which is what this blog is based on.

-According to the paragraph above, nuns.

-Children and teenagers; laughing with them. I really want my own some day. Children that I bear myself  or adopted children or even someone else’s children, I just really want some in my life.

-Being a good neighbor.

-Loving people with everything I am.

-Writing music that will get into people’s heads and bring a little more light in there.

-Traveling around the world and meeting beautiful people everywhere I go.

-Painting an accurate picture of God to those who have misunderstood him, which is the mission statement for my life.

-Sticking quarters on my face. Lots of them.  It is seriously my best party trick.

48 responses »

  1. Hi Kate,

    I have been through this same trial of waiting; having been a lady in waiting. I’ve heard many insensitive remarks from people that I am sure we are both familiar with. I pondered the questions we ask ourselves while going through that time of waiting. Watching others back off was difficult, but there is what I call, “God’s choice” for our lives. Maybe he is not ready. Pray for him.

    The Lord did answer my prayers, but I was almost 40 by the time I was married. Thinking back, in my last twenties, I heard a testimony from a woman teaching about the Jewish marriage ceremony and how all of the symbolism pointed to Jesus. She said she had waited to be married until she was 37 – not by her choice, but the Lord’s. That night, I shared with the Lord that I did not think I could wait that long. He had me wait longer. Why?

    Only He knows why I had to wait that long, but I can testify that He had me on a path and journey on which I did have to wait that long until the journey was completed. He is faithful to finish the work He began in you. In my journey, which may be very different from the one He has you on, He took away everything from Me and began to build Himself in my heart inside. Being the Master Carpenter that He is, He was quite skilful and creative in doing this. I had to be willing to deal with some things in my family, go places where I did not want to go, apply spiritual warfare in my life while sitting still (and I don’t sit still easily). Before all of this and while it unfolded, there were great seasons of intimacy in His Word where He would share with me about His character, who He is, as well as who I am in Him. Apart from Him, we are nothing according to Jesus. There was healing and cleansing – power and victory -all originating in Him. None of that could have happened without getting me to stand still and having intimacy with Jesus and Jesus stripping me of anything that could have defined me besides Jesus. I don’t know if that is His goal in your life right now. Your path in Jesus may be different, but the common thread is that He only is the author of both.

    All things work for good, for those who love God and called according to His purposes. He will work in you for His good pleasure. He calls into being that which does not exist. He makes a path through the wilderness and brings streams of water into the dessert (including our hearts sometimes). He is the God of all the universe, the Creator of all living things and knows the intimate details of our hearts and senses our thoughts from far away. Going through painful/difficult times allows us to make this real in our lives vs. knowing it only in our minds. You are blessed because He is helping you to learn lessons on a deeper level than some ever do. You can come out on the other side for the better in maturity by drawing close to Him and dance in intimacy with Jesus, instead of the type of dancing that Billy Idol was referring to. Jesus will never leave you or forsake you.

    Becoming a prepared wife is not about doing cool things with or for Jesus. Sometimes, part of the journey is learning how to take rejection and criticism, standing firm in your faith when other want to veer to have their ears tickled, learning about being disciplined so that you can stay steady on your walk during the trials that the Word of God ensures us will come. There may come a time in this country when we find ourselves imprisoned for our faith. Our response to God’s Word in these hard lessons that bring forth the fruit of righteousness is by abiding in Jesus’ Word, according to Jesus.

    Jesus is the manna from heaven. Heaven and earth will pass away, but His words will never pass away. These sayings are true. His Word is the manna from heaven, He is the Word. We are in Him and He is in the Father. He and the Father are One which separates Him from every other teacher/prophet because He shed His own blood for us, diet at Calvary, and rose from the grave in power and glory. This cannot be mixed with other religions for the sake of ‘ “peace, peace” when there is no peace’. The hard lessons are the ones that many do not wish to discuss or even consider in America as many churches are having the power of their ministries dismantled because they are more interested in playing parlor tricks to attract numbers than share the Gospel. And the numbers they attract are not getting the Gospel either which IS the power of God. The “atmosphere for miracles” that is being created in many churches is being created by men and not God. As a prepared wife, we have to understand that we will be tried in ministry and that not only is our God is a consuming fire, but it is not the fire that many others are “advertising” to draw people to their churches who already believe in Christ. Ponder that.

    My guess is that the Lord is preparing you to be ready for spiritual warfare, to stand firm in your faith when others close to you shipwreck theirs, and to be ready for rejection and persecution when your your godly husband finds you because he will need a prepared, godly wife like this to make a life with him during the long haul when these things unfold in your lives. God’s choice for you will want you dancing with Jesus and to know how to continue to dance with Jesus when the enemy strikes. Put on the full armor of God, use your sword to ward off the enemy and his schemes. There is a reason he is called, “the beast that WAS and IS NOT”. He is dead. Don’t let him lie to you. Jesus is there as a young stag upon the mountains and He beckons to you, Song of Solomon 2:10.

    Much love to you my sister in the Lord.
    The Shulammite

  2. Hi kate- I found you from Kathy Escobars facebook wall. Title of your blog caught my eye,as per your intent eh?/ lol I had the awesome chance to meet kathy in june and it was great. I am a single man, was engaged once but it didn’t work out. I really like the spirit you share in your blog. Honest,vulnerable,hopeful and humorous as well as serious and real. I did an interview with kathy on her blog about being single and in the church i used an alias for cofidentiality sake Hope to read your blog often now Just wanted to leave a lil message encouraging you to write on

    • Gosh you wrote this a long time ago I have never read these comments on my about page before. I think I read the article that Kathy wrote about you I thought it was very moving.

  3. A friend of yours and mine sent me a link to your blog. Last night at 3 am I was up yet again struggling with many things that I wish the Lord would just fix. And when I mean fix, I mean rain down fire and burn up a whole bunch of junk.
    I was so blessed by many different things that you wrote that it would not be fully possible to explain.

  4. OH my goodness. I love nuns too except id be totally cool with being one but only if i could travel the world and be a nun (:
    I like your blog A LOT.

  5. Hi Kate,
    I don’t know you. Your blog was posted on a coworker’s Facebook and the title about what singles wished married folk understood piqued my interest. I’m not single. To be honest, and I say this with humility, I’ve not been single since I was 17. And only for a few months between that and my 15th year. I’m sure there are a slew of Daddy Issues in between those lines. It’s neither here nor there, it just is. But with my lack of singleness has come 2 marriages, three kids, and a world of responsibility. I love my life…now. My first marriage, though it gave me my three amazing kids, was an experience I would have otherwise gladly done without. And I wouldn’t trade a single day with any one of my kids for anything in the world but I wonder what God would have accomplished through me if I had embraced my singlehood and followed hard after Him. I wonder who I might have reached and where I would have gone. I’m thirty. My twins are 10 and my son is 7. I have never been on a mission trip. That’s what the early twenty college years are for…for living off Taco Bell and crashing people’s couches and living life for God and for me. You are BLESSED. Not the same way I am, for I know my family and my marriage are blessings but you are FREE and available to reach for God, to sacrifice if you feel called. That willingness to uproot is faint when you have kids in school with friends, and it disappears entirely when you have an ex with a parenting plan to wield. I, in so many choices I have made, have made myself unavailable for certain tasks. I am sure it gets old in your day to day, feeling like something is missing but so does day to day with a family, sometimes. Now, from here I anticipate my chance to travel, to go to Brazil and minister to the orphans there. I’ll only be 40 when my kids are all in college, and if my teaching has reached them all all, they will remain a trio of Sexy Celibates well into their twenties and through their college years. As I found out, you change a lot from 20 to 25. That should buy me a few years before the weddings and grandkids kick in where I can embrace just a taste of the freedom you need to serve God without restraints. I know our lives are different but know that your experiences have uniquely equipped you to what I could not, what married folk cannot. I, on the other hand, have unique parenting experiences (let me know when you need pointers!). You know this and I am sure you don’t need to hear it from a complete stranger, but know that your obedience to God is admirable and while I don’t know that I can speak for all singles but as for me, I wish I had the courage you have had. I enjoyed your blog, from this side of the front lines. I look forward to reading what God is doing with your availability and willingness!
    God Bless,
    Yari

  6. Hi Kate, I just want to say thanks for your formula-less, honest approach to singleness. I’m in my late 20′s, and recently, but not very recently, was broken up with my someone who I thought was “it”. Turns out, he didn’t think I was “it”…and it’s been a very hard road. It still is. And I totally agree about Christmas. But I’m glad (while at the same time being not glad) there is someone else who feels this honestly, as I do. It’s helped a little. And for me, that’s saying a lot. I hope you keep writing. And keep feeling honestly. There needs to be less bullshit in the Christian circles about this and many more topics (excuse my language…sometimes there’s just no other word for it.) Thanks again.

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  8. I heard something yesterday. Just randomly. Like finding your blog.

    Rejection is GOD’s protection.

    I could of needed that when I was single, but, I find it applicable even in friendships.. just thought I would share it…

  9. Just was googling celibate and hippies and your page popped up, as an almost 30 single, Christian woman I guess I have been looking for a mentor in a way as I enter being 30 and single. I encounter a lot if people who dont have the faith that I do that God will work it all out. They sont understand why Im not panicking, (but honestly some days I do). I loved enter the worship circle by the way.

    • That is really funny to me that they knew I was a hippie. Only about a 36% hippie, but a hippie nonetheless. It is a really hard thing to go through. Where are you from?

  10. Im in Wisconsin. Its just frustrating that people dont understand. I actually had a “friend” tell me a couple months ago I should quit my job and focus on finding a husband.

  11. Hey Katie,
    I live in boulder, i’ve been in the states for 3 years.
    Urgh, the whole dating scene has been irking me a lot lately. I’m 24, and have this continual prayer in the back of my head, ‘Lord do you really not think i am ready, because i know i’m ready, so if you’re not going to do anything about my singleness then i sure am.’
    I just feel like i’m in my prime, and i’m sick of being single…

  12. Hi Kate!

    My name is Sarah. I’m good friends with Caroline Eberly, who I think you know? She’s the one who pointed me to your blog–which, I’m only into the “about” page and already I love your style. Apparently, you and I are currently in similar situations with writing. it would be really fun to connect if you ever have the chance.

    I run a blog called the Reverie blog and I’m just in Denver. Feel free to email me any time if you’d like to be blog friends. :)

    S

    • Your website is really fun! I like it! I’d love to talk to you about how you set it up- it looks really good (I especially love being able to see so many topics at once.) That part of things is never easy for me. If you have advice let me know!

  13. Hey Kate!
    Been following your blog off and on for the last couple of years. I just wanted to say your words are wonderful, transparent, and so against the grain. It’s completely refreshing. Hope you are doing well–it’s been quite a few years since I was around when you were with us crew. Blessings to you!

    • Beautiful grace. I haven’t been with you guys a lot the last few years but you are still family to me. I could not be writing this book or new album without your faithful support and love. I just found out my dad died yesterday I would love prayers. Maybe even call and pray some time I am pretty overwhelmed. I was supposed to go through spokane to see carson and celebrate his one year living this week but i will probably have to cancel for the funeral maybe if they let me change my ticket i can to go though Seattle instead when i come back out and see you for a night. I would really love that. I miss you and think of you often. Call if you can.

  14. Kate,
    Just was randomly reading comments, and saw that your dad passed away. I’m so very very sorry. You don’t know me, but I’m 37 and lost my dad 4 years ago. I will be praying for you and your family. It is overwhelming and a million things you won’t feel until later. But seriously, to a degree this is harder single ironically I think, and i really will be praying specifically for you during this.
    -Andrea.

  15. Hi Kate,
    I have a question for you Not related to singleness! I have a dear frined who has been struggling with Lymes disease for years. I think you mentioned in one of your blogs that you dealt with that too and that finally you were able to completely beat it. How? It hurts me to see her continually struggling with this so any advice you can give me would be amazing.

    Thanks,

    Laura

  16. My friend just posted your blog towards married friends and I saw your name. I was confused for a second, I know this name, but from where?? Then, I read your about section and saw the ‘Enter the Worship Circle’ bit and voila! You came with Aaron Strumpel to my church in St. Augustine so many years ago to lead worship one night for the college ministry…I helped out back then. So crazy!!!!

    I thought you were gorgeous back then, and well you are still gorgeous and a talented writer/singer/daughter of God! :-D Thought I’d share!

    • Wow thank you so much! Aaron and I LOVE St. Augustine…It is probably my favorite town I’ve been to in the sates. Partially because it is so beautiful there and partially because your group had so much passion! Thanks for the compliment as well. It is always really encouraging to hear things like that as a single girl who doesn’t get told it all that much. So you are a blogger? I’ll have to check out your blog.

      • You’re very welcome! I LOVE St. Augustine too! I miss that city tremendously! Yes, I agree to both parts about the city lol. No problem at all!! I couldn’t not say it if I tried, one it’s truth esp. with how God sees you and two well speaking life is apart of who I am!

        Yes, I am a blogger. I have my WordPress blog (originally for just my poetry, but will expand to other things soon) and then my World Race blog (ajwagoner.theworldrace.org) from my 11 country/11 month mission trip…pretty ridiculous!

      • My old roommates in Redding used to staff world race. Have you ever heard of Jessica Mcclure or Amanda Duums? Amanda used to interview people getting in. It looks so fun! Did you like it? Where did you go?

      • Oh wow! Crazy! I haven’t heard of them, but connections get more and more out there everywhere I go. Haha…

        I loved it! My route was Guatemala (some of my squad in El Salvador & Honduras), Honduras (again in El Salvador & most in Nicaragua), Panama (half the squad in Costa Rica), Philippines, Thailand, Malaysia, Cambodia, Kenya, Uganda, Tanzania, and India. It was beautiful, amazing, life-changing, so what I needed!!! I highly recommend it!! :-D

  17. Kate, I heard you will be performing at a friend’s house this week and that has brought me back to your blog. When you first starting this I visited and appreciated what you said but it hit such a painful place in me I just couldn’t stand it. So I hadn’t been back until today.
    I think what you’re doing here is amazingly brave.
    I am in my 40′s and single and childless and I have really struggled with myself and with God about that….and with well meaning friends that just say things they didn’t think through. I have a friend, who after watching me play with her young children said that of course I would have kids because it would be such a waste if I didn’t. That was years ago and I doubt she ever thought of it again but I’ve thought of it many many times. Is my life really a waste without children of my own? If I’m honest I’d have to say that I believed that. I don’t today but I still feel a huge ache in that emptiness.
    And I’ve struggled with does God even care? And yet I somehow still believe He is always wanting my best….even though all circumstances just make me want to yell at Him.
    Now I’m not sure how to end this. Can’t wrap it up and say all is better now. Can’t just say it all sucks either. I’m just sitting with the tension of it all and know God sits with me in it.
    Thanks for putting yourself out there with this blog…
    Linda

  18. Hi Kate

    G.a.r.s.h.
    Spent a while reading through your blog this morning. Lump in my throat turned into full-blown tissue box sitting next to me over here. I am late twenties and similar vibe to every other person who relates to your honest writing. I moved to Italy a month ago to tutor and explore and adventure and write. It is obviously abnormal compared to everyone my age in my city back home but I was reaching that desperate tipping point of ‘I cant just sit around existing to wait for a man anymore!’

    However, as glorious moving to Italy has been – I have definitely been forced to face parts of singleness I thought were nicely done with. I explored Rome for three days last week and desperately forced myself to enjoy it with my Savior amidst the distraction of countless couples making-out and taking photo’s together. Those are the moments when you feel as though some demon is creeping back into your ear.

    Anyhoo, just wanted to say your writing encouraged me today. Reminders that reverberate into the core of my heart and shake me into getting off the treadmill of ‘sucking it up’ to enjoy the flippen amazing view I have before me. BOOM.

    Write on ;)

    • Thanks for writing! I love Italy so much but I know there is not a huge selection of men there. :) I’m sorry for this hard season for you. It’s good that you are getting out and seeing the world. That’s what you need to do in this kind of a season.

  19. Such a brave blog and well written, too! I’ve so enjoyed reading your posts today and look forward to your new ones. I live in Fort Collins and am single at 50…I see that single women at any age have a lot in common :) Thanks for your honesty, it’s very refreshing.

  20. Kate,

    I’m a regular reader and appreciate what you have to say on the topic of singleness as I am single as well. It’s nice to hear from others who are also single who hear the same ridiculous comments from their married friends as I hear from mine. It’s to the point that I’ve ended relationships with people because they are just so hurtful. Anywho, as much as I would like to be married, I’m also quite happy single. (Seriously! I’m good with me; it’s more the fact that society and culture and friends make me think I’m not good enough alone – then I realize that’s ridiculous.) I wanted to share this blog with you that a friend shared because I think you will appreciate it as much as I did. At least I hope you do. Hope all is well! http://theartinlife.wordpress.com/2013/07/22/my-husband-is-not-my-soul-mate/

    ~patty

    • John, What an inspiration to see your words! As others have commented, men disappear from our lives when we say “no sex before marriage.” Remember when “virgin” was a good word? I’m almost that old. Still waiting at 41.

  21. I’m almost 52 and still single.. never had a boyfriend, Don’t know why I cant get dates. I am very socially active, pretty & slender, and educated. I am beyond despair and severely depressed because of this.

  22. Hi Kate! I love your blog. You probably don’t accept those blog awards that go around but I really wanted to promote your blog to my followers so I nominated you (because I just accepted an award. lol. and I thought yeah it would be interesting to also nominate some of the blogs I have really enjoyed reading.) The nomination is here http://doubtproof.wordpress.com/2014/04/27/i-used-to-think-people-here-are-mean-but-now-im-happy-to-accept-an-award/

    If you don’t accept it, It’s absolutely okay! I understand that some bloggers limit their posts to stuff consistent with their theme. :)

    Have a great Sunday!

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