Six (Totally Lame) Reasons Why It’s Good to be Single on Valentine’s Day

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It’s Valentine’s Day. People are kissing in public way more often than normal. Co-workers are gushing about the surprise dates their spouses are taking them on. Facebook is laden with people professing their undying love for their new girlfriend, their husband of 20 years, or their favorite dog. (I keep wondering if these people think that they are off the  Valentin’es Day hook just because of a post that took them 35 seconds to write.) 

You are probably thinking something like “I would rather clean all the bathrooms in grand central station with my tongue than be single on Valentine’s Day.” 

But wait! Let’s be optimists and think of all the reasons it totally ROCKS to be single on Valentines Day.

Reason #1- We don’t have to celebrate what is a very, very confused holiday. 

Think about this for a moment. This is the day that people buy each other stuff, write each other more stuff, and make out a lot. Is this really the way we should celebrate a priest who was poor, illiterate, and celibate? (Ok, he probably wasn’t  illiterate, but his whole life is vague so why not throw that in there?)

Why do we celebrate this man, anyway? In ancient Roman times there was a celebration called Luercalea, which was a fertility festival. They did things like a matchmaking lottery which was basically speed dating only with togas. So Christians decided to celebrate a saint named Valentine on the same day to distract people from the debauchery. 

Valentine was a priest. There was an emperor named Claudias who prohibited the marriage of young people because he thought that men would make better soldiers when they were single. 

So Saint Valentine married couples in secret. He was caught and sentenced to prison. 

Some of the married couples that were indebted to him would come to him in jail and pass him Hershey’s Chocolates, FTD Flowers, and Hallmark Cards through the bars. (What do you mean you think I’ve been accepting bribes from large corporations? What would make you think that?!)

While he was in prison, he met the daughter of one of his jail guards who was blind. He healed her. The guard became a Christian because he was so amazed by the healing. Valentine fell in love with the girl, and passed a note on to her before he died that said “from your valentine.” 

 So here’s what we’ve got

Debaucherous fertility parties+speed dating+good looking bachelor soldiers who are unlucky in love+ St. Valentine whispering “mawwiage is what bwwwings us tog ever today” behind a bush+ chocolate contraband+ surprising twist where the celibate priest in jail falls in love with a blind lady+flying half naked babies shooting arrows at you

= SUPER WEIRD HOLIDAY!

 

The real hero in this story? Emperor Claudius. He knew how awesome single people were. 

 

Reason # 2- We save gobs of money

A non-single person on Valentine’s day buys

-1 billion cards

-35 million chocolates

-180 million flowers

-4 billion dollars in jewelry

= $133 (on average) per person. 

 

 A single person buys

- 2 bags of Potato Chips

-1 twinkie

- 1″Singles Awareness Day” pin

= $6.74 

 

Reason #3- We don’t have to buy someone stuff just because we are expected to by some huge crazy Valentine’s Day Money Making Machine and our significant others. 

Let’s look at the statistics…

87% of men only by things on Valentine’s day because they feel pressure to do so.

92% of women would be angry at their partner if they didn’t do anything for them on Valentine’s Day

68% of Valentine’s Day gifts are bought in the check out aisle of grocery stores.

12% of Valentine’s Day gifts are actually just marked down Christmas gifts and

42% of statistics are made up by people writing articles who have no idea what they are talking about. (Which is true in this case.) 

 Reason # 4- We don’t have to wear high heels.

(Enough Said.)

Reason #5- Couples aren’t the only ones with a patron saint.

 

 

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                                        St Benand

That’s right, folks. There is a patron saint of singles. His name was St. Benand. He was an obscure but kind monk from the 14th century. St. Benand had a hard time being a monk, and he felt that his mission was to create something that would comfort singles throughout the world. 

After working on recipes for 25 years, he finally came up with a miracle that has soothed lonely singles every Valentine’s day since then. He called it Ice Creameth of the Cookie Dougheth.  The monks passed his secret recipe down for generations, until some hippies in Pennsylvania discovered it, found out his last name was Jerry, mass marketed it, and called it St. Benand Jerry. (They had to take the saint off for trademark reasons.) 

St. Benand! We are so grateful to you!

Reason #6- Singles have a holiday after the holiday.

It’s called “Eat as freaking much chocolate as you want because it’s 75% off- day.”

And it is glorious.

 

 

Ok. These are lame. It doesn’t rock to be single on Valentine’s Day. It sucks. But at least we tried. 

 

 

 

 

 

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About Kate Hurley

Hello there! My name is Kate Hurley. I am a singer songwriter, worship leader, writer, and teacher based out of Boulder, CO. (go to katehurley.com for more about me and free downloads of my music.) I am single, but I am not a loser. Just wanted to get that straight. For more about me and free downloads of my music, go to katehurleymusic.com. For a bit more bio, go to the about page.

19 responses »

  1. Hahahahaha!!! Absolutely true! I texted my daughter who is married (3 kids) and told her, “Don’t you just hate holidays that make you feel worthless if your husband doesn’t get you flowers, candy, and a spa day, when deep down inside you know that you share something more significant, intimate and meaningful then all the cultural hype out there!”
    She replied- “Oh, I know what you mean. And yes of all the people that I know you & dad definitely share something much more special, deep, important than what the culture wants you to believe is love. Don’t let it get to you! Jason (her husband) has done a good job of lowering the bar every year, so at this point I have no expectations. 😂 (emoji her’s)
    Just wanted to share that with you so you will not have unrealistic expectations of heart fluttering romantic holidays every year even when God sends Prince Charming your way!
    Enjoy the day after chocolate sale until then!

  2. My area has just dug out of the snow, so we were swamped at work today. Frankly, I’m too tired to be depressed!

    Also, we are selling a GIGANTIC box of Whitman’s that’s going on 1/2 price tomorrow. Score!

  3. It’s OK. At least the world is starting to acknowledge Singles Awareness Day. Today a college student with a girlfriend walked in, hugged me, and wished me a happy one. I thought it was pretty funny actually. On a slightly more serious note…

    This has probably been one of the best V-days ever. I’m a teacher, so I never have a shortage of candy (and this year it’s the good stuff!), cards, and even flowers, but sometimes it’s kind of boring/sad after it’s all said and done (if I can even stay awake).

    But in the past month or so I’ve had countless opportunities to minister to hurting people because I’m single and they want to know how I manage it. The answer of course – is Jesus. And if I were married, I wouldn’t have the chance to say that.

    Then I went to my “Jesus family’s” house. I was surrounded by people who love me (regardless of the day or the lack of blood ties), eat chocolate in honor of it, and pretty much ignore the fluff and frill. We talked about life and love and laughs and throwing up (yeah, it’s a family full of boys) and when I left I wasn’t worried about being alone. I was busy thinking about their lives and all that had been discussed. Jesus took me away from me and toward them and that made it all better.

    So there you go – reasons 7 and 8 – maybe someone will ask how you manage and you can say Jesus. Or maybe you have the chance to be part of lots of someone elses lives because you aren’t busy with one someone else. :-)

    And – while I did promise to share my chocolate – I’ve had a sugar high to last for the next month or so, I bet.

  4. Here is a different perspective…
    I *LOVE* Valentine’s Day! Being single and not in a relationship does not dim it at all for me. In fact, it is my favorite holiday. Forget the hype, there is plenty here for us singles, too. I love that it’s a holiday in honor of love (family, friends, pets, whatever) and love is something always worth celebrating. It’s also one day a year when we get to be all girly with everything pink and red and covered with lace, satin, bows, velvet, hearts, flowers, ribbons, and any other pretty thing you can think of, and that everyone has license to eat as much chocolate as they possibly can. In my mind, that makes it a wonderful (if quirky) holiday – for everyone. :)

  5. HAHAHAHA! You’re hilarious Kate. I actually adORE being single. I’m not even lying. Granted I worked until 8 p.m., went out to find my car was dead and had a funny evening with my Vietnamese, custodian friend trying to jumpstart my car. SUCCESS! Came home to my loving cat, ate yummy organic peas and corn and gluten free english muffins with turkey, cheese and avocado. Oh, and lastly, two years ago, when my daughter was 18? We went out to a fancy restaurant on Valentines Night. We sat in the corner and TRULY snickered at all the couples. I don’t feel lame. HAHAHA.

  6. Hilarious… and serious… perfect. I am laughing at all your jokes, but mostly the statistics one. And, I hope those corporations pay you well!

    I will second the motion that Valentine’s Day is way over-hyped. So many married women feel sorry for themselves because of inflated expectations. But overall, I think in my friend’s lives it’s a much bigger negative holiday for the non-married than important holiday for the married. Now that our kids are in an American-influenced school, they finally know what the holiday is. They’ve always received e-cards from their grandma, but never understood the significance. But it also adds to the burden, as we have to make three sets of cards for classmates, treats for parties…. and feel guilty for not joining the other moms in planning and leading the parties.

    We celebrated by… inviting our teammates over. Not for Valentines day, but because it’s one of their birthdays. The only thing we do as a couple to celebrate, is that my husband usually remembers to buy me chocolates. (It took a few years of marriage for him to figure out my chocolate expectations in light of my non-sentimental, let’s-never-spend-money philosophy!) After the birthday party, getting over-tired kids to bed, cleaning up, preparing for tomorrow’s student retreat, etc, we did have the energy left to…. eat one chocolate and go to sleep :) So, I write this not to bore you with another married person’s story of the celebration, but to let you know what doesn’t get posted on fb.

    And I pray for each of you feeling lonely (married or not) that God would meet your real and felt needs through His supernatural presence, and the tangible Body of Christ.

  7. As a single woman who has experienced many years of “celebrating” Valentine’s Day alone, I found myself preparing for this day a week in advance by sending dear single girlfriends of mine valentines in the mail to let them now they were loved by me and by our Father. I also meditated on Scriptures that spoke of God’s love for me and being His bride. Not to mention, I guiltlessly bought myself Valentines candy to savor through the week! So all that lead to less disappointment on the actual day and allowed me to focus outwardly rather than inwardly. Next year, to exercise self care I will remind myself to avoid Facebook at all costs that day, as well.

  8. Pingback: three posts on singleness worth your time | Simple Felicity

  9. For Valentines Day I went bowling with a bunch of pre-teens. And I’m married! Best night ever! And my daughter isn’t even old enough to join Wyldlife yet.

    Same as Kara, I just want chocolate from my husband. I just remind him every year.

    This year I almost bought it from Godiva (for my hubby to get for me). Not because I’m upset with his efforts (not that I wasn’t upset when we were first married), I just think sometimes I know what I want more than he does. And frankly, holidays just aren’t a big deal to him at all!
    I think I am raising my kids to not care so much, it will save them a lot of grief! Although we do get them a little chocolate, too.

  10. I refuse to celebrate the holiday. My husband and I don’t acknowledge it. I did bring my family home stuff from a staff meeting so that my children didn’t feel left out b/c now they know about the holiday. I concur that even married there were no frills and no presents b/c I was single for too long to think this is a legitimate holiday worth celebrating!

  11. Hey, the last one alone makes this holiday worth it, married or not. Anytime chocolate is 75% off is a good day to celebrate. I know I’m late in replying, but I had to quote one of my favorite comediennes, Miranda Hart: “I don’t know who St. Valentines was, but I hope he died alone, surrounded by couples.”

    To be honest it only sucks sometimes–I made a full meal for my parents so they didn’t have to spend money to go out to eat, and that was a lot of fun–a way to give back to them for all they’ve done for me over the years. And I love making meals for my single girlfriends and having them over to celebrate. But yeah. It’d be nice to have a REAL valentine for once.

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